part one...

entropy

Sometimes the very first thought that enters one's head in the
morning can give the greatest insight into one's current state of mind
and well-being. that being said, it seems somewhat just that, in the
midst of my drug-use, my first thought upon wakening generally began
with an expletive of four-letter infamy, occasionally accompanied and/or followed by,
"here we go again," or "really?!" So it was no surprise when, after
slowly stirring from a restless and drug-induced 8-hour coma posing as
a night of sleep, my first thought was expressing a sort of
lackadaisical dismay at still being alive.
My eyes began to pull the kaleidoscopic display of various blues,
greens, and grays into focus. Coherence began to set itself upon my
thoughts, sorting and governing them like some weary caretaker,
overwhelmed and work-weary by the ever-growing to-do list. The
picture that presented itself only furthered the feeling that
something- a BIG something was amiss in my life. With an underlying
and nagging disbelief, i began to recognize the canopy of leaves that
swayed gently beneath a backdrop of concrete and the clear morning
sky.
i was familiar enough with this view so that, with a bit of
effort, i could piece together the events that had transpired to put
me there. i stretched my arms out and in doing so inadvertantly
located my glasses. After gingerly knuckling the crusty whatnot from
my eyelids, i put the misshapen frames on. An unintentional sigh
escaped me as i finally came to terms with my current reality, and was fully (and
regretfully) awake. The situation i faced was that of despair, and an ever-familiar sense of dread overcame me. I had slept under a bridge for the third night in
a row.